


such a feeling

by starlightwalking



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Aromantic, Arospec Maedhros, Demiromantic Fingon, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24767752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking
Summary: At first, Findekáno is relieved when Maitimo tells him he's not in love with him.Then, things change.
Relationships: Fingon | Findekáno & Maedhros | Maitimo, Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37
Collections: Anna's A-spectrum Anthology





	such a feeling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peredain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peredain/gifts).



> This is a repost from my Hobbit/LOTR drabble collection; I'm moving my Silm stuff out of that fic. I will also be reposting the comments from those chapters so I can preserve them.
> 
> Prompted from an [aromantic writing prompt list](https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/189731665547/aro-writing-prompts): Fingon + "relief" and then "changing." I mistook an "i" for an "L" and ended up writing both.

Findekáno’s shoulders sagged, and he felt a weight lift off him. He let the breath he’d been holding escape, and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Oh, thank Varda.”

Maitimo looked at him oddly, still tense. “That…is not the reaction I was expecting.”

“What _did_ you expect?” Findekáno asked.

“I…” Maitimo waved his hands helplessly. “I don’t know. But not—that. Not…relief.” He paused. “I was worried I would break your heart. I wanted to let you down easy—”

“Maitimo, I am not in love with you, either,” he assured. “I don’t feel that way for anyone, and certainly not my dearest friend!”

“Oh.” Understanding lit Maitimo’s eyes at last. “Well, in that case, yes—I am also relieved.”

Findekáno swung an arm around his cousin’s shoulder. “Our friendship is more than enough to bother your father,” he teased, but there was still an edge of irony in his voice. “We needn’t be tangled up like Tyelko and Írissë on top of it.”

* * *

It didn’t happen all at once. It was a slow thing, brought on by proximity and then by separation, by desperation and then by gratitude, by despair and then by hope.

It didn’t happen all at once. But it did happen.

Findekáno refused to leave Maitimo’s side as he healed. The process was slow, painfully so, and there were times when Maitimo would scream and weep and beg for death, and Findekáno’s heart ached more than it ever had before. He wanted Maitimo to be at peace—he had brought this pain upon him—

But there were also times when Maitimo was lucid, grimacing with the pain but also smiling for Findekáno’s benefit, and his heart ached with an altogether different feeling, one he had never known before. One that terrified him more than the journey to Angamando had.

“I love you,” he whispered to Maitimo when he was certain his cousin lay sleeping. It was not the first time he had let those words slip through his lips, but it was the first he had done so with their meaning changed. He had been relieved, once, long ago in the bliss of Valinórë, that such a feeling did not exist between them, but now—now it did, at least in Findekáno’s own heart.

He dare not confess to Maitimo, not when he was awake. There had been enough troubles in his life, and Findekáno would not add to them. No, this would remain a private thing, something he did not understand fully, something he did not quite embrace.

But still, the words brought some comfort, some light to this world marred by darkness, and so Findekáno whispered them again, for only himself to hear: “I love you, Maitimo.”

And in his not-so-slumberous rest, Maitimo smiled, his own heart changing…though it would not be known to him, nor Findekáno, for years to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Rebloggable on tumblr [here](https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/619790284831834112/hello-if-prompts-are-still-open-how-about-30).
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please comment if you enjoyed!  
> You can find me on tumblr [@arofili](http://arofili.tumblr.com/).


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